social
Shame
Confidence · high
A painful self-conscious state in which the whole self feels defective in the eyes of others.
I am bad — and others can see it.
01
Overview
Typical triggers
- ·Public failure or exposure
- ·Violation of internalized norms
- ·Childhood criticism patterns reactivated
Common metaphors
- “Want the floor to swallow me”
- “Smaller than small”
02
Body
- faceHot flush, blushing, urge to hide face
- chestSinking, collapsing
- shouldersCurled inward
- stomachDrop, sickness
Dorsal vagal — freeze / shutdown
Arousal3/5
Energy1/5
- Heart rate
- Slowed then elevated; mixed pattern
- Breathing
- Shallow, held; sighs
03
Mind
Attention
Hyper-focused on self as object
Facial expression
Gaze down, head lowered, slight slump
Typical thoughts
- “I am terrible”
- “I want to disappear”
- “They will reject me”
04
Behavior
- Hiding, avoiding eye contact
- Withdrawal
- Self-attack
Environmental influences
Performative cultures · Social media comparison · Critical relationships
05
Function
Maintains group cohesion by signaling submission and motivating repair of social standing.
06
Interventions
- Name it: 'This is shame, not truth'
- Self-compassion phrases (Neff)
- Confide in one safe person — shame loses power in connection
Reflection questions
- · What standard am I measuring myself against?
- · Would I judge a friend this harshly?
07
Relationships
RelatedNeighborOpposite
08
Research
Tangney's work distinguishes shame (global self) from guilt (specific act); shame is associated with worse outcomes.
Citations
- · Tangney & Dearing (2002). Shame and Guilt.
- · Neff (2003). Self-compassion.